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The Woodville Republican
Woodville, Mississippi
March 19, 1898     The Woodville Republican
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March 19, 1898

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Incalculable suffering to mauy, while When Moses Parker moved down to ica's Createst J :ine RITE, Becau•e it does what all other lnediciae• fail to do. As an instance 6f its lculiar and unusual onrative I,ower, conskter the most insidious discs-so, ned the dieatm which taints the blood of most people, producing ia thers it ia a latent fire liable to quan Creek from Keyl)ort we gin burst iu activit aml produce untold him jest a week to gil settled and look misery on tlmI,st provocation, arou,nd. Then Ephriam Watkfns took • croula is the only aihnent to him down to the old sawmill, and sat which ho human family is subject, of Mm down on a loft, aml begun: whiclt tim above sweeping statement "As I'm one o' lhe leadin' men o' can honestly be made. Now, a medi- quan Creek I feel it my solemn dcoty : ! j i!?):(i! 7/¸¸¸:¸ ¸::j: : : voi1o.1ua*oo`nmI,t`4B1*tmnoo.*,ao9m*to.satum*to.9mDa'ommbo# TRAI N I NG OF FI REMEN, . ABOUT TItE SQUAN CREEK FOLKS. =: ! """e Athletes and No(:ov',-ardsGe, Into the Depart]uent. *-------- ! Firemen are athletes as a matter of 01d Jep Jones Tells the Story 0f ht0ses Parker Who Was Pound Sadly Wanting. i=  o 0 ,,9, Q0,o | rel)catin' it aloud, nnd them was the HE HATED TO LIE, & Negro Pioneer Who Ro•e SUl/erlor to Ills Prejudice. William Thomas is a negro whose remark. eourse. They have to be, or the 5, could able aim iu life is to, under all circumstances, not hold their places for a week, even if I.ell only the truth. Villiam was indicted they could fret into them at all. The by the next to the last grand jury for grand lareeuy, and he was brought from jail this mere handling of the scaling-ladders, !norning tobearraigned, rhomas has what which, light though they scent, weigh as termed a "tough case," so he agreed with from 16 to 40 pounds, requires unusual I the prosecutor to plead guilty and receive strength. No particahlrskillisneeded. [the minimum sentence--two years in the J penitentiary. A man need only have steady nerve, ],,-,Stand np, Thomas," said Judge Vofford. i re you guilty or notgui]ty'" " f ,, • . I,  udge, answered the man, with a sigh, ] I do hate to tell a lie, but 1 guess I'll have |to. I'm guilty." I "O!l you hate to tell a lle, do you? I /won't let any man plead guilty if lie thinks ]his.innoem{t. You'll stand ti'ial." / 'ms was exactly what William's attorney /did lint want [ "Your honor," he said, "this man is not taecustomed to court ways. lie did not mean ]that." [ "That's right, judge. I never was in |court before, and I don't think I quite got I Sound Money Dl•euanlous. Between now and next presidential dee- fion there will be hosts of discussions of the 9uestions of "sound money" and silver. llowever opinions may be divided on these points, there is but one public and profes- sional opinion, and that ]s a favorable one, regarding the merits of Hostetter's Stomach Bitters as a remedy for and preventive of malaria, as well as a curative of kidne co I . ". y m- p aiut, dyspepsm, eonstipahon, iver trou. ble and rheumatism. Hard Luek. ,,) hat made you qmt the club, Bilh,?" easou enough, I can tell you. I 'orked five years to be elected treasurer, and then, they insisted on putting iu a cash register ' --Boston Traveler. - ' vine that can mee tMs common enemy of mankind and repeatedly effect the wonderful CurBs Hood's Sarsaparilla has,--clearly has tim right to the tie el America's troatest Medicine. evv00. o pardla Is sald by all druggists. $1 : six for k%. Hood's Pills a harnonosly witt ttood's Sarsaparilla. 25c. SHE REMOVED HER BONNET. to ax yea few queshun8. Do ye wanter ; belong to the upper crust o' society here, or do ye wanter beeounted among the mudsills ?" "A.a fur that," sez Moses, 'Tin al]us fur the nltper erust. My farn'ly ar' descended from the revolushun, and my feelin's at' allus feelin' fur the aristoc- racy." "The upper crust will receive ye," sez Ephriam, "or it will cast ye out. That's accordin' to the course ye take. Was thar' many liars in Kcyport ?" vord the boys overheard." As the wind was howlin' and the waves roariu' it was just possible tlmt the boys may hey been mistaken. They vowed they wasn't, but it was decided to gin Moses the benefit of the doubt and he was let off. lie understood, however, that he was to be watched from that time on, atnl he jest braced right up and told some of tim might- lest lobster lies ever heard in America. IThat was one of Ida lies published in a Philadelphia paper, about a lobster l walkin' ashore on Cat island and /seiziu' a yearlin' colt belongin' to ]Deacon Spooner• Moses said he saw |the hull performance from his bout. and that tim screams of the colt made his blood run cold• Ilc took a reporter down to the island and showed him :tn,l tile strength to raise the hmg pole 1)y its narrow end, and jam the iron hook ihroug't a window which he can- not sec, but knows is there. Once through, the teeth in the hook und the man's weigbt upon the ladder hold it safe, and there is no real danger unless he loses his head• Against thatpossi- bility the severe drill in the school of insiruetion is the barrier. Anyone to whom climbing at dizzy heights, or do- in K the hundred and one things of peril  you." "y l ou may not understand much law," re- to ordinary men which firemen are i torte d the court, "but you know whether constuntly called upon to do, causes the / you went into that store and ate e thos least discomfort, is rejected as unfit• [goods." e About five per cent• of all apt,ointees ] Oh, yes, sir, I done that." arc elimlnated by the ladder lest, and ] 1we years."--Kansas City Star. ncve,- et beyond their probation serv- | "---'-'-A*--- ice. A certain smaller percenlafte takes  •Fannlc--I wondcr where ,{r. leggie got ms lovely English accent, lie's American itself out throngh]ossof•.nerve.,,gen, born. eralty. The first experience of a room Piso's Cure is the medicine to break children's Coughs and Colds.--Mrs. M, Blunt, Sprague, Wash., March 8, '94. Practlce makes perfect--and otter the neighbors feel like smashin the Chicago Daily News. g To Cure n Cold in One Day Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. druggists refund money f it fails to cure. Flag-raising is one of our standard dustries.--Chicago Daily News. Rupture. Surecure• Book free. Write]el to S.J Sherman, Specialist, Mt.Vernou,N/ A poor spe[Ter alwa hardest way.--Washin at. Iltnsed to City "trays, But She ADpre. €iated the Humor. It was during oue of the most severe snow stonns whM Chicago has experienced thb winter, and the umbrella which a little bil of a wqlnan was carrying in front of her face, standard-bearer fashion, came int( dinging contact with tte smart bonuet which was balanced on the head of th comely Irishwomun wtm was making her way, }ar,loned with a heavy valise, in tht opposite direction "i'om%t! lu town for the day nnly!" might have been postcd upnn t er, so umn s. takablK did she beh ng to thi• class of vis ttora; a second glance betrayed the fact thai - uhe wh undonhh.d]y erossi'ng the city from one depot to another .l/hen the umhrella caught in her bonnet, which was anchored to position by its velvet string: a!one, the bonnet was ivorsted in the strug(.le• The little woman sailed on victorious,3, hardly stol,ping for the eon. ventionit word of'atmlogv, and the out-of, town woman was left a n[.nting, her bonnet banging around hcr neck by the strings and i the thu:kIv falling snow powdering her .a]Otbla(;k hair. Pint not for long did she . ,:ure, she sad, merrily, as she lowered net great satchel t) a convenient doorstep and prefred t rii;t her 1114 'eared head g% I again, (h ve been hearing for sore4 tOtOe tbat they made ther womeu take off heu.l,tmnits in public places m Chicago. utol niw.r sut,)pose d they did it fer them in ther sthreets. ' h llandaonte Metal Puper Cotter and Boom Murk Cosoblned Sent free of postage under sealed cover on receipt f ten cents in silver or stamps. 3he hitest, best and most servieeab/eadjmmt of ew, t3 ibrary aM ,trice. Address Gco "IL }teafford. 410 Oht ('olony lhfildmg, Chicago, I su.peet there has been some crooked work gopg on here," he said. Aml he wa right. Ilia wife had been driving nails. Puck. Oh, Wbot Splendid Coffee. : Mr• Goodman, William• Co• IlL, writes; "From one packagc Salzer' (erman Coffer Berry costing 15c I grew 3IX) lbs. of better eonee titan 1 can ba) in tores at 30 cents lb."  t A package of tMa aml big seed catalogue / l ent you by John A Salzcr Seed (o., La / " ("r0sae, 'Wis., upon receipt of 15 cents stamp [ • and thi notice. Semi for same to-day k 6 t CtoveA n'a r t- -]]il, ie u--,i-it/the-ma n aet u re ewas c°unterfeit breath.CMcago Daily " Baehe/or- • trawtcr on lie-'-  "' - ' ' -., -auvTay who has m ssed hs connections.--Uhicago Daily News. "Only three or four worthy to be called by the name." "Was yOU one of 'era?" "I kin say without undoo vanity that was• [ calkerlate that I ranked as liar No. l up that•" "That's a mighty pint in your favor. All of us here Idnd o' sized ye up fur a liar. but e d'idn't knw fur sure. Ye can't allus tell by a man's face whether he will lie or tell the trooth• What sort o' lies did ye lic about up that'?" "Mostly about clams and lobsters," sez Moses. "My great specialty was lyin' about lobsters. That's how Igor the name o' the 'Lobster Liar.' It went wlhont sayin' that I eonld tella the airth nil torn up, and pieces of hide lyiu' around, and the story brung him in $20 in cash and restored his prestige umong us. The colt was over on Catfish marsh all the time, but the story went jest the same. Moses Parker had been in Squa Creek fur six months, and was herin' things M1 his own way, when one day he was took with bilious co/ic, tfe as around the house, and when the lust pain struek him lm fret skeert and said to his wife: "Lucy, I'm marked fur death and you'll bc a widder afore night! It's ull on account of my lyin'." "But I never kuowed you to lie," sez she. bigger lobster lie than any other man[ "I've done nothing but lie fur thelast within 20 miles of Keyport. MeL)be3-ou.six mouths, and now Providenec is remember the story in some of the New |arter me. If I die with all these 5,000 Tile PREACHER ADVISE8 AGAINST CONFESSIObL York papers about a gigantic lobster seizln' nqy skiff and upettin' it in Key- port bay?" "1 dew, and was that one o' 5our lice?" "It was.--one o' my small ones." "'Then you'll certainly do fur the p- per ernsl of high s6eiely here," set Epbriam. as he slaps his left. "That full of smothering smoke, with the fire roaringoverhead• is generally sufficient to convince the tinfid tllat the serviee is not for him. No cowards are dismissed from the department, for the reason that none get iuto it. .3 The notiou that there is a life-saving corps apart from the general body of tiremen rests upon a mistake. They are one. Evcryfiremunnowdaysmustpass nlnster tit life-saving drill, mustelimb to the op of any bnilding on his seal- ing-lndder, slide down with a rescued eomrude, or jump wtttlout hesittion from the third story into tile life-net sl)read betow, l'.y such training the men are fitted for their work• and the occasion comes soon lhat plltS t]lem to the test. I1 ,:ame toDanie] J Meagher, foreman of ttook and Ladder company No. 3. when. in the midnight hour. a woman hung from the fifth-story win- dow ,,f a bnrninft building, and the longest ladder at hand fell short tell or u dozen feet of reaching her. The l,ohlest man in the crew had ainlyat- temwed to reach her, and in the effort had spraine(1 bbs foot. There were no sca]inft-Jad(]crs then, Meaffher ordered the rest to l, lant the ladder on the stoop and hold it out from the building so lhat he might reaeh the very topmost step. Bahlnced tbus where the Might- eat tremor mig]]t have caused ladder nnd all to crash to the gronnd, he bade the wonutn (lrop, and receivinft her in his arms earried her down safe. Jacob A. I{iis. in Century. THE MIGHTY MISSISSIPPI. Greutest of All the Rtver Systelos i'Pon the Earth. How ]rlatj. Amcriean.s al)pyetMt e ihe g ra  denr of their eou n try's ftecftralhy ? |iow many krlow 1}lat tlerv is no river s yS[ell] 0n earlh which cven dislanllv compares ith lhat of ti Mi.siss.ippi and its lribn hu'ies'.' The census te]! ns that these rivers, all tie,ring lhroug,h one channel lhe Gulf nf Me.xico. agrtgale mmc than ]u0.;,0 re!los in length. The Amazon• the Nile. the Ganges• and all lhe rcs/ of lhv grfaI river systems on eatih pat tog,elher searee] S api/roac h lis magnificent showing. Think of it! A steamboat leaving Pittsburgh car visit 23 stales withom passin,g througl any trtiflcial daanneI. She can go np the A1]eghery and Monongahela. lhe Big Sandy, the Ken- lucky, the Wabas.h. the Tennczsee. and the Cumberlsnd--ciear into Alabama-- before reaching lhc mouth of Vhe Ohio. telow ('afro hee0 traverse net only the Mdss, issipl)i • but lhe St. Francois. the whoppin' big lies on my soul I won't Arkan,sas. the White• the /led. the Ya- zao, he Ta!]ahatehee, the Yalobusha ]g'o within a thousand miles of Iteavcn the Ouaehlta, the great bavgus, and all Dont ye think ld better call in sum-[ the lribntaries of thesestrcams. [ bedy and confess?" Above Cairo lle the Upl)er Miss[ssippl, | Itis wife thought he had, and she run ' 's, ".v ", the Ye.,ow- the l]hnoi t e Mlout ifur the l)reacher, lly the time she s,tone, tqe Platte, the B:g ]torn, and a /got back with him Moses was all seore of lributaries to all thete The "doubled up with pains and thought he SUlIposititious steamboat can hind at Queenie--Why, I heard he bought his eeth in London. "How clever of hlm."--Philadelphia Call. Information Wanted. Teaeher--At what age does a man usually get bad ? Bright Pupil--What kind of a man--mar- ried or single ?--Chicago Evening News. • Vhot Puzzled tllm. The most ignorant man in America lives in St. Louis. The other day he asked his employer who was read nga paper: ' boss, vhieb does you read, the black irS?te white?"--Kansas City Star. Lots of bos say they cannot stand the confinement 'of the sch()olroom: who can stand to loaf around a billiard hall every dy. --Vashington Democrat. A VIGOROUS BATTLE. From the New Era, Greensburg, Ind. The following is a straightforward state- ment of facts hv a veteran of the late war. No comrade wi'll need further proof than their friend's own words, as heregiven. Squire John Castor, of Newpoint, Ind., i the narrator, and an honest, respected cit- !zen he is, too. He said: "I have been troub. ted with rheumatism in all my joints, ever since I went to the war. It was brought on by my exposure there. It came on me grad- uallv, and kept getting worse until I was unable to do any work. I tried several physicians, but they did me no good. They said my trouble was rheumatism resulting in disease of the heart, and that there was no cure for it. Nevertheless I had lived and fought the disease for thirty years, and did not intend to die, simply because they said I must, so I hunted up some remedies for myself, and finally happened on Dr. Wil- liams' Pink Pills for Pale People• I asked some of my neighbors about the medicine, for it had been used by several persons in the conununity, and they recommended it very highly. I procured a box. The pills helped me right away, and I continned tak- i ing them. I commenced taking them last fall, aud finished taking the sixth box a few - months ago. I am not bothered with the i rheumatism now--the medicine has cured me. I can most certainly reconmmnd Dr.Vil- i lianas' Pink Pills for Pale People." i These pills are not only good for rheuma- E tism, but are invaluable for any disease that • arises from impoverished, or bad blood• i They do not net on the bowels, i No Room to Turn. StD "1 m you ever turn over a new leaf the a first of the year?" "Gracious! no; we live in a flat."--De. troll Free Press• Cu/arrh CanRot Be Cured with Local Applieations, as they eannot reach the seat of the disease. Catarrh is a blood or constitutional disease, and in order to cure it you must take internal remedies. tlall's Catarrh Cure is taken internally, and who know they were cured by the useof "Thirty-six years ago I had great tronble the remedy. There is nothing so stron with my liver. The doctors allowed that as this personal testimony. It throws all[ there were tumors growing ou it, and they theories and tancies to the winds and blistered my side in an effort to give me stands solidly upon the rock of expert- relief. I was at that time earning my ence challenin ev r living as a tailoress but for -- --, .... • ,g g- e y skeptic with a , zav y .... , pOSl[lVe ' * xnow.', Ayer's Sarsaparilla hetween the pain in my side and the with its puritying and vitalizing action on blisters I was in constant misery, and the blood is a radical remedy tor every work was a drag to me, with no prospect ] form of disease that begins in tainted or of relief; fortunately for me, however, a[impure blood. Hence tumors, sores, friend advised me to take Dr. Ayer's Sar [ ulcers, boils, eruptions and similar dis- saparilla, andfinallypersuadedmetotakeleases yield promptly to this medicine. aregular coarse of it. When I first corn [ Some cases are more stubborn thanother. meneed taking the Sarsaparilla mvside |but persistence with Dr. Ayer's Sarsapa. was so painful that I could not faste'u my t rilla usually results in a complete cure. dress, and for a time I did not get any |Mary Lingard began with a bottle, and relief, but my friend advised me to per- |wenton toaconrseof Dr, A er's Sarsapao severe and relief was sure to come, and irilla. When she was cure come it did This hanened = t .^.. ,  ...- she realized thirty-six years ago. Iliver ' h"as nevtY c'o a a memcmc that could cure disease troubled me si ..... d lYurin  thes ......... tl_d•also prevent .It. So she took a couple ,   al ul oottles eacn SDrlll and I have passed through the most critical h,,,.'h ___ _ :g kept in perfect perlod of a woman's life without an ...... =2_'="" --, are thousands of similar • .. ,* aa on recoru. Some of these are tieular trouble, and to-day, at sxty-one Kathered into Dr. Aver,sCurebonk alittle years of age, Iamactive and strong, and I)ookof Oo pages which ssen able to do a da 's work t " tfreeb the . Y hat would upset . C., Ayer Co., Lowell, Mass. Write fVor/t. Closer you keep to the directions, the more Pearline will for youespecially so in washing clothes. Even the hit or miss way in which many i Pearline is better than soap-using. C "- soaldng, boiling, and rinsing the clothes according to directionsis best ofall--bette i\\; for clothes: better for you. Use no sea I with it. m CANDY CATHARTIC 10¢ CURE CONSTIPATION "DON'T BORROW TROUBLE." BUY SAPOLiO 'TI$ CHEAPER IN THE END. ALABAMA LADIES DON'T LIE BELLEVUE FARM, MStMPHiS, TENN, tho method andresults when ; it is ' to the taste, and acts , from the most its many excellcllt qualities commend it to all ad have made it the most y known. is for sale ia 50 oent botttos let ling [g. gists. Any druggist who may not have it on hand will pro. cure it promptly for any one who W'es to try it. Do not accept any Imbstitl/te. £W.IFOR//IA FI@ $1WIJP CO. 84N IlAtlO, CAl., "Rust," the dread of the cotton grower, can be prevented. Trials at Experiment Stations and the experience of leading grower prove positively that Kainit is the only remedy. We will be glad to send, free of charge, htcr=ting and tteful pamphlet• which treat of the mattcr in detail. GERMAN KALI WORKS, 93 Naua St., New ¥o. Wlleal I BU, was a bewtiful lie----a bewtifnl |ie. /langed!f]t didn't deceive all the liars tu Squan { Yes, that's all right, hilt I nnlsl a'Je fnrder. }levin' cnec ioht a lie do ye stick to if right along?" "A]lus.'" ".If yer-boat got upset audye was driflin' around, won]d ye own up?" "Never! I'd drifl clean across the eean before l'd give ut,!" "" "Hpce yc was took sick and thought ye was goin' to dle?" "It would be jest lhe same. Indeed, I b,!ieve I should think up a bigger lie to fell. [ ain't uo man to brag onto himself, but when I go bank ot lhe reputahun of my colonial forefaths/'s th folks of Squan (:reek kin ride me Otl[er toM'll on  rti]." Then Epbriam felt that .Moses was |ll rihi, and he elasped him in his arns and e](mlned him to Squan Creek. He was introdueed to all the fail, s, paid fur all the drinks, and every- body was glad we haJ a lobster liar un,nng, ns. We had the best kind o' liars about o.ysters, clams, sharks. whales and crabs, but nobody had made a specialty of ly|n" about lob- .tes. Moses was told to begin Mon- day mornin', and he didn't riced nn ,ro,hliu' up about it. tljest got off sum of the sleekest, fattest lies we ee," lislened to, and it was voted ths he was all right and an ornyment to tho ripper erust. Mebbe six weeks had gone hy, and .MoYes Parker was makin' a mime fur hlatelf and doirff us proper credit, wlren a ;quall upsets his boat in the I,ay and he saved htsself from gotn' to the boitmn I,y ca(chin' hold of buoy No. 3. ]ire thonght he was all alone. but he wasn't. Two of the crowd was .n Bird island, near t,y, and after :d(;e• had bhl ha,n|n' on fur 15 minlts :hey beard him yell oul: "Oh! Lord. Ialn'i fiften todiein this ay,  l'vc bin ly|n' about lobsters fur the last five y'ar, and I want at ]cast a mo,.th to rellent h]l Jest let me be avvd atl 1'11 never tell another lie as !onL as I live!" The boys rowed out and look him off, and when they brung him home his words was reported• l[e had prom- ised to lie and stiek to it, but he'd gone bnck on b;sself the er b. first thing. At the nmetin' which was called he was ordered to stand up and explain, and that' was a sweet smile ou his face as lie l'iz to his feet and said: entlemen, thar s Stlln aWlllt mis- take yere• It's true tbat my boat was upsot by the sqnall, and that I was left hun]tin' to the buoy and expeetin ° mery minute to be my last; but I wa thinkin' u 9 a Bow lobster lie ad ] hadn't but half an hour to live When ......... • I,U;)U tovtns anu ell, lOS Oil her %ray. ]he said he wanted to confess to his 'l'b^ .." • . . ltn'the n(aclters , r ,ers dra it an mea of 1683 " ' 1 "' ' "I eaks n I, :tn(1 sez: .. c, . . • , , ," "I shouldn't be too ]m,v ;€ T ,,-,. 303 square, oecnlued bya o ua- I .....  ....... , , -'?. ": ". ..... lion of ;'4 298,332 in 189 P p • j uu, aou aev WorKeq nard to hill](1 ul) The ('oulnlcrce of th' f)'r+ " ' [ a repntushun iu S(/u,n Creek alld ;* | is Rreat river sys" [ shouh]n't go in an hour ,, I tern a. ¢.ntedon n lS89by 7,453 yes- ,, " Fels, v,il]l ao a(rrre,,.|/e ()1 r I[ /hit ]  tat to o u ,,.,R g are of " 'it p nnd ask lure I ........ " "- ' .... , e ...... S, SCZ iMoses un(l l'tnt tllelI I . ', ' • • * ' 'P ' " "-' .... • ' 1 2kIl(I gO l'lC/l 1S that COUln and thar' he owned u) to 35' ]obst-- ' ' eree thatlts lies, big and little Them.e.teher tr 17('1 | annual gross earnings exceed the total • " t: ' :. ' ',allle of ihe craft ec-o. • • , to choke huu off, and hts wtfe wept .... .aed m it b 5 I nearly a lnltllon cl01'al when she tJtought of his lost repula. I ' , ".. It earries (1 ' near] el( , en nlllhon )a¢en Cl sh n, but thar was no holdln' him| ,' .f.. .," ' t'"'-' g •s and ,-- ,- t .... , ...... I nearly tmrty-ulree million tons of uue. ]e utun t ale, liowever. A (lose I frei ht er )'ear of Jamaica ginger cured him arter he'd / ,g, P. .' ' ," , 2kno lnls 1 € (J/ll One cf (wned up and then he tried to o, t | - • Y the great river ' w | Svslenls of ollr countr- out o it, same as before. ]t Wusn't ! , ..... x, -- 3. George Car)- , Jgfte.SrtOn. in 2. ](. World fur him to do it. The preacher waa affin him and his own wife was agin] Where Candles Won't Burn. hint, and Ephriam Watkins sloes up l "Talk about candles being worth and said: I $1.50 apiece in Dawson; it's all wrong" "y e can t never make no upper crust / said Charles Way the other day. "I out o' no lower crust. He's a bewtiful [ wintered on the west fork of Stewart liar--a bewttful liar, but he can't lie/river in '94 and '95 with a party from and stick to it. He might be a ornvo Sitka. We went into winter quarters ment to this community, lint he's onlg (*ar]y, having good prospects on a bar' a disgrace, and if he would save the reputashun of Squan Creek from ever- lastin' disgrace he must go." And the next week Moses Parker moved back to Keyport, and nob(my wouht bid him good-by as he Wen out o' town with tears In his eyes. A Pleasant Surprise. 'unnlman--Now, there's your bus- band coming, Mrs. Candr. Let'smake a little surprise for him. Mrs. Funni- man and 1 will hide behind the curtains here. and you tell him that your cx- peetedguestsharen,teome. Thenwe'il step out and snrprise hint. Enter Mr. Candor. Mrs. Candor (obeying order)--Well, John, cur expected guests have disap- pointed us--_Mr, and Mrs. Funniman haven't come. Mr. Candnc (heartily)--Thank heavo en !--Tit-Bits. There Were Others. Dick---Why (lid yon break off your engagement with Miss Pritty? Toln---lecausc her parrot was ahvnys saying: "Stopthut. Georffe!,. Diek--Well, what difference does that make? Your engagement was no secret ? "ro:nI;ut my name is not (;eorge. Up-to-l)ate. AgTlenl rural Ii,inanelcrlng. First Bill Co/:petor--Tryinft lo find Ardup ? Seeond Bill Co]leetcrYes. I want lo ee if it's possible to ex;r'aet "stgar" from a dead beat. First Bill Colleefor--Better /ake a directly in front of our log cabin. We had plenty of supplies that wI had hired the lndians to bring in for us via Taiya. Among other things he had a gross of lallow candles. Things wefil along nicely until OctobeT 22, when at noon tt began to, grow cold. You could feel it settle down The water in the lmxcs wouldn't run more titan 12 feet without gclting thiek, so we quit work and went into the eamp. We loaded the stove up wilh birehwood, and somel)ody lighted u eandte. It burned nl] right for a lniute or two, then the light commenced lo grow dim, and in all appearances went out. I was surprised, ppon examination, t-o find lhat the wick was still burninft, but tbe ta!lowwas not melting. Iwatehed the wick as i bnrned, the fire burning itself right in the eandIe until the wick was consomed e/ear down to the boV tom. melting a hole about the size of a lead pencil through the tallow, but nets directly on the blood and mucous sur- faces. Hall's Catarrh Cure i not a quack medicine. It wa• prescribed by one of the bcst physicians in this country for years, and is a regu/ar prescription." It is com- posed of the hest tonics known, combined with the best blood purifiers, acting direct- 13' on the muemm surfaces. The perfect eombination of the two ingredients s what produces such wonderful results in curing Catarrh. Send for testimanials, free. F. J. CIIENEY & CO., Props., Toledo, O. Sokl by all druggists, price 75e. tIall's Family Pills are the best. • Not Worried About lliaAneeator•. "I eau trace my ancestors baek to a hun, dred years before William the Con ueror  ell, I can t trace nnne that far, but I haven't the slightest doubt that some of 0.ent were living even earlier than th " Uineinnati Enquirer. " ....... In the advertisement of the John A. Salzer Seed Company, La Crosse, Wis., a few weeks since, the price of potatoes was inadvertent- .ly placed at $1.05er barrel; this should be 1•50 per barrel. V e advise sending 5 cents potage or Salzer' catDogue. t]Putting Into Practice.--Mamma--"Dor ly, an you know who ate my rni;naV  J)oIpthy (turning over the l.ves-oi-het OOK more raptdly)--"Mamma, you told m yesteraav some things are better left un said. Is;a't that one of them"Jud e " . • g . Cook (on the day after her arr" "T , . . waD-- lease, mum, I m a bt fierce at tmes, and when I am .fiery, I'm .ap, t to be a bit rotagh spoken; nut you needn t let that put yon about--with a little present you can always bring mc around ag in."T'it-Bits• A man never feels more foolish than when he sits around at the station and lets his train leave him.--Washmgton Dome. erat• The Parson--"An"to t'ink ob de New Jerusalem wit de streets paved wit rold" The Deacon--"An' yit dere ain't,de-same rush dere as dcy is to de Klondike• Puck. I ° ,ittle Teddie--"pa, what dos 'infra " mean?" Pa--"/n.fra dig? Oh, that's KIding'. (nKe slang Don't ..... ' * " ' - vcr let, me nearyou use tnem wods again.' --Cleveland Leader. Some people cnre stomach trouble by dieting, but the cure is worse than the di- ease.--Wahington Democrat. 3,re wonder why most things we like to eat are so hard to digest.--Washington Dem- useless as a light, and we had to go ocrat. :o bed in the dark. Candles are not "Papa, dear, why are th---e waterproof worth $1.50 each when the weather is soles called 'gutta percha?' " "Because m,, real told• for they won't burn."--St, la.d, they enable you topereh in thet' Paul Globe. wthout getting wet."Tit-Bits. °- "" ItlP VIy li I.ooked io Her. Lillle l)reslyter]au, aged three, on his retnrn from the El)iscopal church, where he had becn for thc first time: "Mnmma• the ministcr eame ont with a night dress one, nnd nll lhe htdies were so 'shamed they put their head right d own."---Tmt h. - She--"f)on't yon think it is.t/anger. ous to eat nlushrooms?" ]le--"l(t ablt of danger in t, The di) ger i iu eatirg toads t 0o]s."-- Chicag . Sgitor--"Sir, I love your daughter." Blunt • 'at he. r--"Vell, sir, what does that nrove" rhtladelphia North American. - " A woman always enjoys ripping up some- thing useful to make something ornamental. --Chicago Daily News• Political fences are usually of the old- fashioned stake-and-rider pattern.--Chicago Daily News. An kl toper says'the sweets of life ars va[s mixed ,4th bitters.-42hieago Daily Oak Lowery,Ala.,wte Have used Dr. DI[. A. Simmons Liver Medicine in my faro. ily for 10 years, with good results. I think it is stronger than "Zeilin's" or "Black Draught." 0tampa Are caused by an irritation of tho nerve, •hey are local spasms, frequently the result of Uterine disease. There aro pinching, gnawing and contractive pains in tho re in Of the SOmaeh extending to the backgl a ca csk Thcy are often the svmn,-=%1 eltect Of indigestion. De. }I X i.m • ,iverMedleine should be se(i to stimu . ]ate the digestive organ• and Dr, Simmons quaw Vine Wine to give Immediate relle d laermanent oure. Jilter tho old lroprletors of the article owcalIed *'Blank Draught,' were bythe umtea taes Court enjoined zrom using the words constituting our trado name-- does not equity require that they•taadou their own trade namo and morits (if any) of their artiole, and not seek to approprtat the trale for cur article called for nnd lnown as Dr. Simmons Liver Medicine, by laublishin the picture of another Dr. Sim- mons on their and falsely adv,ertls. tnglhat their artie16"',Black Draught was established In 180, that being the earth whio.h our article was cstablished, wile no one ever heard of "Black Draught till alter 1876. Why do they advertise that falsehood and associate their article with OUra (havlng the pictura of Dr. M. A. Stm. mons on it) by their publietion of the picture 9( another Dr. Sfmmons, if not done untmrty appropria oa¢ tt I Ot ao motive apparent? Offioo. 300 Second Stroet. S. I'. CARNES, Prop. J.L. KERR. Man'gr Standard Bred Poultry, Huff, ]rred and lYhlte Plymouth leks. CoI'n|sn Iodln Gamss, Whtte Wyandottes, Partridge Coohlns. ]hlte and Brown S. C. Leghorn& Light llrahmas. Pekin and Houeu Dusks. IR " Eggs, 82.00 per 13. eglstered English Eox Terrlexl. WRITE US IF YOU WANT THB BEST. ot 136 R s ; *ntonio REWATIN00J00Pt00 CO. Mywlfe ha ued Dr. 11I. 180WINC..[gWI, N/H/gN. 1 I [ A. Simmons Liver lIed. ..... '- ..... - - :. ......  ieinemanyyearsforSick | WJr TeM.M.S. Feneei ";{.'  Head.he and never illlll il wquiresneithertoporbt. (-  ii fails to buy a packag• /llll/mr/tom rail wilt /llilll I "ll/bag out'of sh: :j when she expects t n$ ft. spurt, strong,  ax] li/d/jr  travel. It aves ono from erected and heaper/a't/, ttll taking injurious drugs, have Field and HogI ud For 15 yearn it has been a Cheapest emetery  lye  necessary medicine in my !)g. Get our speclalU=,- :fo  house. We @ay the Freight. uaution. Don't be reunion ;,+^ .,__ cheapworthless•tnff 7,''Z ,' UNION FENCE CO I1 *a - all 0 1 ou it is.Just the Same,, as'l7x. ., " 45 H St. Atlanta ( l 7on may g_uow that ho ia tryin'=- t'o =ell v' cheap stu/t to .makes big profit'by aimLn ott on you a waolly different artilo: ," FOFI 14 CE.TS ;i , IB reh Street, WorSh $1.00. r.e 14 nlhl. OPIUM Scud e4 t. H PIKE8 and all 8old A. N,K.--F WHeN WlITIN please .tato that In thl It 1 not • common oeeurence that al many • youmrer woman. Hver slnce my friendly word should be the means of giv.] recovery I have taken a couple ot bottles ing nearly forty years of happiness and|of Dr Ayer'sSarsa a fll health to thepersou heedin*h -a--:- .. • . -. ." p :" a each spring, and •  ---. _ s- w llam qmte satisfied that I owe m good carneu. Tins was tne case with Mary [ health to this treatment. I give thYs testi- Lingard. At twenty-fiveshewasdragginglmonial purely ia the ho e out her days in misery. At sixty., . .. _ . p that it ma finds herself so active'and stron-'sff2- c [ meet..tne eye OI some poor sufferer.', ty e, -  I ivl.,lllx INGARD, Woodstock, Ont. do work that would shame many a younger [ w r a ^., ........ ., woman, and looks back on thirty-six '- u .y azaparnla has wonlts way happy, healthful years of industry. But to every cornerpl the world by the praise let aer tell her story: ox its irlenos ; those who have tried it and And what it led to. A FRIEND'S ADVICE.